Making it Better

Things have been going smoothly since the resolution over the journal issue, except for a minor incident over dancing, and how a slave might better amuse her Master in a paga den than by telling him fairytales. I gave Madeline a new journal, and we've returned to what we should be. Over the incident surrounding the dance, my finding her speaking to another man and his slave because they saw her crying her eyes out, I at least had an epiphany. I read the small note, very much abused by tears that I had not been there to see shed, so they could not be counted as ones of manipulation. She loves me. I know, she's said it before, but I don't think I actually had it through my head until then.

She doesn't love me just when it's convenient. She doesn't love me only when it means she won't somehow be hurt. It's real, and I don't even know what to make of it.

We'd come to Cos so we could visit our friends, family, and 'panion. I also wanted to visit the villa here in Jad, and work on further research surrounding my father's people. Several hands ago, a woman appeared in Ar, my half sister. Her mother had passed on, and my portion of the family is all she has left. Not that I can tell her much, but I need to know these details for my own peace of mind as well.

Only, not long after I arrived here, a note was delivered. Skirt had been missing for a long period of time, we'd only seen her once in several hands time, and she was working on a secret project. Now, she is free, and has been missing from even Zeb. Just like that, and my Madeline is thrown into hurt and confusion. Was the project related to becoming a free woman, and if so, does that mean Skirt knew all along. But didn't tell Madeline? Can they still be friends or will it cause trouble? No trouble from me, and I told her we would search for Skirt when we got back to Ar, but whether we find her...another story. Does she hurt? Did she have a choice? All questions going through both our minds. Whatever happened, whatever the cause, it has hurt my Madeline. I wish I could make it better for her, even if some would say it's for the slave to work through. Yes, I know in some sense it is, for it's her mind that has to find resolution on this new point. Her heart that has to get through the mess that this brings up. I did offer her one last opportunity to beg her way out, a chance to be with her friend on equal footing. She would not take it, and I won't offer it again.

The implement of choice: hook bracelets. When she advised me of how they could be used, the snaps meant to attach them other things without their being actual locks, I think she expected me to attach her to the couch, the desk, any solid piece in the room. Instead, I wrapped them around the collar, confining Madness to itself. A few days of stinging flesh and careful movements were the follow-up, but in my opinion, it was more than worth it. I believe she might feel the same. More study is in order.