Wonderings and Whispers

Will it be a boy or a girl? We don't know. Before this, she had visions of two girls, one following the other. Now, that supposed future is not nearly so certain.

Than again, when has anything in my life ever been certain?

Do I want a boy or a girl? I told her that after siring two sons, I would have liked to have had at least one daughter, but it may not be possible. My parents changed me. They made me what I am, whatever that is, for a reason. Continuation of the family line. Having the perfect family on the face of it all, no matter how disturbed the truth might be. So I have produced sons. Or rather, the women I have been with, have produced sons.

Any sons produced by women of her family, were...wrong. Fine on the face of it all, just like my family, but the underneath was different.

Part of her 'programming' is to heal at an abnormal rate. The cut on her thumb has been there for over a hand. Healed, but not by the next day.

She's been ill. I recall her saying that didn't happen with the other two, despite one being male. Different father. Normal father. Not me.

The whispers in the halls, I hear them more often now. They're louder. She's heard them, but likely only because of her gift. She's attuned to that sort of thing, and the sounds have never bothered anyone else, save Bonnie. Those of us meant to hear them.

Stylus would not let her go. While Madeline and I were on Cos, she could barely leave its halls. She thinks it's lonely. Perhaps it is. It would definitely have cause to be. How many times have I thought about burning this house down? It won't let me. The serum solution was in the wall, by the fireplace. The wall is gone. The rest are still standing.

I took the journal from the study, and placed it in my desk, in the main room. The things that belonged to Madaline, the items I didn't burn when Bonnie had her period of confusion, they're in the guest room now. We don't use that room now. I go to her room. Sometimes, by appointment. Sometimes, just because I can't sleep.

Do I love her? No, not in the way everyone else would mean it. But I adore her, and these are things one should not have to face alone. Any of it.

It's almost dawn.